The Power of Noticing
Did you know that one of the most powerful things you can do for someone is to
notice them?
Granted, many of us don’t like being the center of attention, but a lot of us also feel largely invisible to those around us. When’s the last time someone commented that you’ve been looking down lately or someone noticed that you’re clearly very excited about something? I hope it hasn’t been too long for you, but for people like me who live with depression, it can often seem like a very long time.
During the QPR suicide prevention trainings and Mental Health First Aid trainings
that Rose Addo and I offer through the Center for Human Services, we often
remark on the power of saying what you see. When you approach someone to open up a conversation about mental or physical health, it’s helpful to start with noticing language: “I’ve noticed you haven’t been your usual cheerful self lately” or “You look troubled. Is something going on that you’d like to talk about?”
These kinds of statements can open up channels of communication between you and the person you are trying to help. If you suspect someone is thinking about taking their own life, you can start the conversation by telling them what you observe. This doesn’t have to be (and probably shouldn’t be) a detailed analysis; rather the language of noticing can also communicate caring.
When you’re deeply caught up in your depression or some other mental health
challenge, hearing someone say that they have noticed your struggles can save
your life, literally.
What’s important is that you don’t hesitate to make this contact. Be observant of
the people in your life, whether in your family, your workplace, your faith
community, etc. Note what seems normal for them so that you are more readily
able to notice when things are off. This is true for both physical and mental health.
Is somebody normally spry and outgoing? If you see them with their shoulders
slumped and hesitating to communicate, something’s up. Show you care by letting them know that you have noticed the change in their demeanor.
Be ready for them to open up—be prepared, because it might take some time. But if they don’t want to open up today, that’s okay. Just make a mental note to check in on them the next time you see them or to give them a call if they disappear for a while. Showing you care does make a difference, believe me.
At the same time, we recognize that you are most likely not a health professional, so you may eventually need to hand your friend or family member over to a professional for further help. Getting mental health treatment is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have mental health, whether we have a diagnosed mental illness or not. It would actually be a good thing if we all had regular check-ups with a mental health professional just as we do with our primary care doctors. Mental health professionals are good at noticing when things aren’t quite right, partly because they don’t see you every day.
In short, keep an eye out for each other. Let people know what you notice going on with them. It can truly save someone’s life.
Published in the March issue of Healthy Cells-Bloomington/Normal.